I’m so proud of my friend C.C. Chapman for getting some serious play on CNN during their Inaugural coverage yesterday on CNN Live. I think they couldn’t have picked anyone better to be the voice of social media in America.  

We had been traveling all day. We get into Ft. Lauderdale at 10pm where you have to take a shuttle bus to a “Rental Car Pavillion”. Once there, all of the other counters are empty and of course there’s a big line at Hertz. Mostly because there is ONE PERSON WORKING THERE and NONE OF THE ELECTRONIC KIOSKS WERE IN SERVICE.

Okay, there were actually two people working there but one of them was at the part where the Hertz Gold Club members check in and wasn’t helping the rest of us, even though there were NO GOLD CLUB MEMBERS waiting in line. And the one kiosk that looked like it was working allowed you to spend 10 minutes punching in all of your information and the options you wanted before, you guessed it, bringing up a screen telling you to talk to a customer representative. 

So we waited and waited… and waited… about 15-20 of us… and the line is not moving. We’re there for over a half hour by the time I whip out my video camera to document what’s going on. 

And that’s when the one lady working there disappears behind a door for a moment, then comes back out and SALUTES US… yes, salutes us like “SEE YA, SUCKERS!” and then SHE LEAVES. 

So as you can see, I chase after her and well… I guess her response is just Hertz’s lousy customer service in action. 

Call me crazy but maybe, just maybe I think she could have said “You know what, I have to leave, let me go and find someone to help you…” but no… 

So, being amazed at her actual response to the camera I popped the chip from my Sanyo and sent the clip to CNN iReports right there while we were waiting in line thanks to the miracle of 3G wireless. And by the time we actually were helped by someone some half hour later, I had the clip uploaded. 

The next day someone sent me a link to a story that Hertz was laying off 400 people because their business was in trouble. That person suggested that’s why this employee was such an asshole. 

I disagree. I think it’s the other way around. I think Hertz’s business is in trouble because they employ assholes like this and their customer service is HORRIBLE. 

As I wrote on the CNN website, in this economy, with times being tough and companies being in trouble, I would hope that people choose to spend their money at businesses that actually have decent customer service. No longer should the customer settle for being treated like crap by companies like Hertz because they can afford to do so. If you’re like me, you take your business elsewhere. 

If you don’t mind being shit upon by Hertz, then by all means rent from them. But for me, I’ll never use Hertz Rent a Car again. 

The Philadelphia Eagles showed up. The NY Va-Giants didn’t. Eli Manning played like the fucking guy we all thought he was and without Plaxico (I don’t need no gun permit) Burris, the defending Super Bowl champs looked like a bunch of chickens running around with their heads cut off, especially when the Eagles D-line stuffed them on consecutive 4th and short attempts. (Bet you’re sorry you dumped Jared “Sta-Puft Marshamallow Man” Lorenzen now, Va-Giants).

My favorite post game quote came from Eagles safety Brian Dawkins who has been the heart of this defense for 13 years.

We stayed together. We believed in one another. We didn’t allow the outside negativity to creep into cracks and crevasses into our lockeroom. We closed it off, we sealed up, we cemented those cracks and made sure that inside we believed… not just in what we’re doing we believed in one another.

I believe in Five. When he was down and written out and was on his way out… I believed in FIve.

I believe in Big Red. When he can’t coach no more, he can’t… I believed in him. We believed in one another the same type of way. When you have that, you draw closer together. You draw closer together and you start playing for one another that much more and that’s what we did.

Now the Green Machine rolls into Arizona to play the improbable Cards still milking Kurt Warner’s greatest hits tour for the right to represent the NFC in the big dance. Will it be a repeat of Thanksgiving night’s 48-20 ass-whupping? Have the Cards got the gas to continue the most improbable of seasons? We’ll see. All I can tell you is that I’ll be glued to the set come Sunday at 3pm EST.

Reebok Philadelphia Eagles Brian Dawkins Replica Team Color Jersey

C’mon, how can you not love Tina Fey?

You know how sometimes you hear a song for the first time and it just instantly paints a picture in your head? The other day I saw the video for Forever by In This Moment and, first I was really hooked by the tune and I thought the video was great. But as I closed my eyes listening to the music this cinematic scene came into my head and I realized that if I had to describe to someone what this song feels like, it would go something like this:

Imagine you’re behind the wheel of a speeding ‘69 mustang convertible, racing 120 miles per hour down a two-lane desert highway running through the middle of nowhere. Pedal to the metal. The engine going full out beyond anything it was ever designed to handle. Climbing out the passenger seat all over you is the hottest piece of ass you’ve ever known in your life. She’s 19, face like an angel with a body for sin– perfect tits, perfect ass and a pussy that calls out your name when your sleeping.

Her blond hair whips all around you in the hot summer wind as she silmultaneously slides her hand down the front of your Levis while whispering all the dirty things she wants you to do to her in your ear. She reaches into one of the many bank bags hastily thrown into the backseat, snatches out a handful of hundred dollar bills and throws them up into the air where they spiral like confetti. At this high rate of speed you can’t take your eyes off the road but you catch a glimpse of the cash flying up and away to nowhere and momentarily you laugh at the thought of the teller’s face as he carried those bags out while you waved that unloaded pistol under his nose. Oh how nearly the same scene played out several times over the past three weeks to the point where the entire trunk was stuffed with so much moola that you had to sit on the lid to get it closed all the way.

It was never about the money, you tell yourself as she gently sticks her tongue in your ear. It was never at all about the money.

Not that they would ever believe you or even care at this point. Even as the speedometer inches closer to 130, you can see the dust cloud is closing the distance on your six. The strobing of their lights glints back at you in your rearview is something nearly hypnotic to behold. Their shapes shimmer and blur in the heat coming off the asphalt but there’s no doubt they are gaining fast. There are too many of them to count. In fact you could never imagine in a milllion years there were even this many police cars in the entire state. In your chest you can feel the thumping of the S.W.A.T helicopters closing in from above without having to turn and look. Another handful of crisp green bejamins flies up toward them, momentarily distracting the snipers locking in on you with their scopes. You turn your gaze away from the road momentarily and the feeling is something akin to soaring as you look into those soft dark eyes of hers wanting to thank her for making you feel more alive than ever these past three weeks than you ever have before and wordlessly they tell you you don’t have to because both of you know you have at best another 10 seconds to live.

Now imagine this is the song playing on the radio.

From the album “THE DREAM” available on iTunes

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Just because you keep a drugged woman chained in your basement doesn’t mean you two are married.

Trust me on this one.

Well, actually, if you keep her down there for seven years in most states, I think that qualifies as a common law marriage.

Turns out you have to wait out the statute of limitations, which is like twenty years or something crazy like that.

I mean, come on… do you really want to be married that long to begin with?

Catch 22. You can never win.

Dude, trust me, I understand that all you want to do is keep them safe… I collect things too.

First of all, let me begin by saying that we at Pacific Coast Hellway do not condone the KIDNAPPING of anyone, especially your co-workers.

We understand it, but we don’t by any means condone it.

But who are we to judge?

I realize that often times there are moments when you just need to own something, that borrowing or just browsing won’t do. But if your plans include abduction, then perhaps you’re at a much more advanced level than we’re ready to talk about today.

Because you have to walk before you can run.

Which means it all starts… with stalking.

(more…)

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