Red States vs. Blue States
See, for our international listeners, we’ve got a problem in America called “Red States Vs. Blue States.” This was coined in the 2000 election when all of the major networks color-coded their big election maps. Red States voted for Bush, Blue States wanted the other guy. We’re not going to get too deeply into the difference between the two types of States. Suffice it to say that we’re different.
Blue States like cappuccino, Red States like black coffee.
Blue States like art and museums, Red States like monster truck rallies.
Blue States love to try new foods, listen to different types of music, experience new things.
Red States still lynch Black people every now and then.
Blue States ask: “What are you reading?”
Red States ask: “Why are you reading?”
But we’re not talking about the differences themselves, what we’re talking about is the sheer existence of differences. See, Blue Staters look around and say, “Hey, we’re all different. Cool. Welcome to America, try the soup.”
Red Staters look around and say, “Fuck, I hate that people are different from me. Why can’t we all be the same? And what kind of soup is it? Gazpacho? What the fuck is that, one of the Marx Brothers?”
Because in America, we have very large expanses of land that are populated by very few people. If you look at one of those Red State/Blue State maps, almost every place that voted red is in an area where there just aren’t a lot of people. And the people that are there tend be well… cut from the same cloth. Oh, fuck it, I’m just gonna say it. They’re White and Christian. And when you live in a very, very large place, and you drive around for miles, and you only see people who are a lot like you, well, your perspective starts to get kind of screwed up.
See, if your entire experience is the huge prairies of Kansas, you’re gonna start to think that that’s all there is to the country, because Kansas is huge. And you’ve got every grade-school textbook telling you how great America is, and well, your experience of America tends to be pretty homogeneous. And no, homogeneous is not a word describing “American Beauty” director Alan Ball, or a word describing gay milk. It means that everything looks the same. So now, you’ve grown up thinking that A) America is awesome (which it is) and B) America is what you see every day (which it ain’t).
And then, you hear about these far off places like New York, Los Angeles, Philadelphia, Boston, San Francisco. And what little you know about them tells you one thing: those people aren’t like me. And the logic board in your brain skips a circuit, because your next thought is, “Those people aren’t Real Americans.” And that’s right around the time you start fucking up the country.
That, my friends, is the biggest difference between Blue States and Red States. In the Blue States, we think that only one thing is required to be an American, and that’s citizenship. And no, this isn’t some lecture on the merits of multi-culturalism or any shit like that. In fact, it’s just the opposite. I don’t give a fuck about culture one way or the other. It’s about understanding that America is a system - not a culture.
Yes, the Nascar nation is PART of America, but so is Lucha Libre Mexican wrestling, wine tastings in Napa valley, and porno bookstores in seedy neighborhoods. Mmmmm…. seedy neighborhoods…
But what I hate is the jingoist, All-American flag-waving bullshit that comes packaged up with the crap Nashville spews out, like somehow, Country is “America’s Music.” Guess what? Country is folk music from Europe, blended with blues. It wasn’t invented whole cloth by some shit kickers in Missouri. Know what the only pure form of American music is, Red Staters?
The only music that can lay almost all of its foundations here in the USA? Yeah, it’s Jazz. And it sure as hell wasn’t invented in Oklahoma.
Which brings me to my big point. All the trappings of American history. The flag, the revolutionary war, the founding fathers, etc, etc. Guess where they were from?
That’s right. New York, Boston, Philly. I’m pretty sure the Liberty bell isn’t in Topeka, and Paul Revere’s House isn’t in Omaha. Because those Blue States that you despise as not being the “Real America?” Yeah - America was born there, fucker.
If your State wasn’t brought into the union until after the civil war, you don’t get to lay some exclusive claim to being “Real America.” Is your State less than 150 years old? Eat this, assholes… Boston’s coming up on 375. But see, I’m not going to say that all the Blue States are “Real America” either. You know why?
Because fundamentally, that’s the difference between us and you. We’re okay with you being different from us. We know we’re gonna pick on each other and make fun of you, and occasionally laugh at some of the stupid shit you do. But we’re not gonna tell you you’re not part of the family. You’re like our retarded little brother, and the family wouldn’t be the same without you, even though there’s not a chance
I’m letting you out of your room when my prom date shows up. And when you and your other retarded friends all hang out together, and you don’t want me around, that’s cool.
I’ll be out back… reading.
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January 3rd, 2008 at 7:40 pm
Check out:
http://www-personal.umich.edu/~mejn/election/
For another look at how the states can be balanced.
Some of those places… yeah, they’re a red state, but 3 people live there.
January 5th, 2008 at 7:14 am
Who is it that’s supposedly “dividing” this country? In all actually the map is more a shade of purple. I guess some folks require the labeling of differences, and the use of insults and the profane to get their points educated views across
January 5th, 2008 at 11:44 am
If the neocon rhetoric that has been so prevalent with such warm hearted souls as Katherine Harris and Anne Coulter and now Huckabee, who has stood atop a platform of fulfilling all of the religious right’s agenda including: a constitutional ban on abortion, a veto of legislation to protect gay and lesbian Americans from discrimination, support for a bill to keep federal courts from intervening when local officials violate the separation of church and state, and most importantly, a far-right Supreme Court, doesn’t indicate who is dividing America with their “holier than thou” pandering to the religious conservative base, then I would like you to please send me some of whatever it is that you are smoking.
January 9th, 2008 at 9:29 pm
[...] vs. Blue States I heard this on one of the podcasts I listen to. I thought it was hilarious: blog post [...]
February 19th, 2008 at 8:10 pm
Everyone who has an average intelligence knows that everyone is different. This is not the “main” issue between the blue and red states. One of the “main” issues is that people do not like to be overtaxed to the point that they cannot even support their own families, while working shit paying jobs. Not everbody likes to run to the government for foodstamps or medicaid beause taxes are so high they can barely pay for a home mortgage. Blue states want everything given to people on silver fucking platters without earning whatever they get, while hard working poor conservatives have to miracoulously shit out money to support “many” people who do not want to earn a living or would rather use social welfare programs to get ahead. Meanwhile, leaches that unneccessarily/continously take advantage of these welfare programs live like damn Kings, while the average hard working American stays poor, paying for the fucking leaches who live well. And then the poor conservatives get blamed for not running to the government to do the same thing. Yeah, everyody is different. But just becuase this is true does not mean lazy asses should suck the life out of hard working/honest Americans. Most every first generation American comes to this counrty and busts his/her ass to make it in america. When my father came to this country he worked hard and was successful until he kept living in a liberal government environment while taxes kept rising. Now, as an older man, he is barely making a living on social security because taxes are so fucking high in California. And he does not even live in Los Angeles or San Franscisco. He lives in the middle of the fucking desert. He has been leached/taxed to death for so long that he does not even notice it anymore, while he barley survives. Wake up people!
February 21st, 2008 at 1:52 pm
The rich get richer and the poor get poorer. It does not matter if you are a red state or a blue state. GREED has over run this country. It has become inpossible for an average joe with a job to even come close to living the so called “American Dream.” High level Executives for Corporations and upper management, reap the benefits of the hard work done by the average joe. Illegal immigrants have been allowed to come into this country for years, taking jobs from Americans. These are not jobs Americans dont want. They are jobs that the rich refuse to pay a livable wage. The rich do not work, they manipulate and control. It would take an act of GOD to change the way things are. No, not even Obama will change America. It would take great sacrifice by the lower class to save America from the Greed of the rich.
February 21st, 2008 at 2:33 pm
Question for the Rich, why do you need so much? You are aware,of course, that there are people, born ,raised and living in this country for decades who have no where to sleep at night. Why is that? Is it because they are all stupid? Is it because they are bad? Is it because they dont want to sleep or have a home? Maybe it is because they like to suffer or are a glutent for punishment by you. Oh I think I know, there lazy. No, this is it, They have yet to become, EXCELLENT, like you. We should all strive to control and manipulate like you. I get it. Or maybe it is because they dont go to church. Hey, maybe the homeless could sleep in the churches. No, a lot of them are dirty and stink we cant have that. These people are such a problem,I just can not figure out what to do about these people.
February 22nd, 2008 at 5:19 pm
In general, Red State men are brave, persistent, stuborn, dumb asses.
Blue State men are intelligent, compassionate, cynical, scaredy cats.
Red State women are predictable.
Blue State women are predictable.
Neither brave persistence or intelligent compassion can save the average joe or (decent human) from blind ambition and greed. All that matters to the Power Structure in this country is to surge forward. Dont try to stop there direction forward, you will get trampled. Power from greed, stops for no one, human decency is crushed. Every thing can be good in moderation. That includes Capitalism. But just like the alcoholic who can only think of the next drink, the Power Structure in this country, can only think of more power to feed there hungry ego. Human decency is gone. Some people occasionaly talk about it but its just talk. Who or what can stop this runaway baggage train? Maybe the Big Man Counselor in the sky. No, Im not talking about Dr. Phil.
March 8th, 2008 at 10:06 am
In effect, the government itself creates homeless people in the long run when taxes are too high, because people cannot afford to live. In turn, taxes rise even higher, while hordes of people run to the government for welfare benefits. Yes, there are those people who really need the welfare benefits, and yes, there is an overwhlming amount of slobs, lazy asses, and leaches who are not motivated to contribute to society.